The B side- getting to know, and love yours.

My friend confided in me that she has a B side.   I knew it all along. And I love her ability to show it.  The strength in sharing her vulnerability.  We’ve been so lucky to meet at a  point in our lives when we realised that vulnerable is ok.  I told her today I  might even love her B side more than her A side.  Then it got me thinking. Why I can feel that for her so easily but not for me?

You should never say something to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a friend, I saw it on Pinterest. I think it’s true.  We narrate ourselves through our own lives.  Telling ourselves ‘this’ is how a particular experience went or ‘that’ was how something went down. Giving it a rating of how ‘successful’ that was or how we aced (or bombed) it!  Even the language we use is weird- nailed it- yeah good be proud but so aggressive? The stories we tell ourselves.  

If only we could learn to talk to ourselves the way our loved ones see us and how we see them in return.  I’ve apologised for my ‘B side’ and thanked people for putting up with it but I realize that my true people don’t care. They like me for who I am, that’s why they are my people.  Your B side isn’t something to be hidden or be ashamed of it’s part of your story and part of who you are. A true friend loves you for your B side because it makes your A side even more sparkly.

Be gentle on your B side. 

Getting to know yourself and accepting your quirks is part of growing as a person and some people just know how to go through life owning it, no regrets, playing their A-game, killing it.  Really? I think there’s always a flip side.  When we meet someone at a party we think “Well, she’s really got her shit together” or “Wow how does she do it?” I’m here to tell you there will be a B side. If you think she’s killing it maybe she is but do you think there’s not a  moment when she is at a party thinking that same way too?

Listening to your B side.

You bought the tape for the A side.  The shiny outside part is attractive, well-styled, and has probably even been promoted to others.  “Meet Amy, she has nice skin, is a good makeup artist, has lovely children.”  Rarely do you hear a friend introduce you as this is “Amy often cancels plans because she says yes too much, can’t parallel park to save herself and thinks the f word is an acceptable adjective (sometimes eats cake for lunch)”  The A-side sparked the interest and set off some dopamine reactions but everyone knows the good stuff is on the B side.  It might be a little quieter, more subdued, maybe gets played more on Sundays or Monday mornings or whenever you let it out.

If your B side is not for everyone that’s ok too.  You’ll find the people that want to play you on repeat for the fun and sparkly days can rarely last forever and one day you might realise that your B side is maybe what makes you so special.

If you are lucky enough to have someone show you their B side jump in with both feet and never let them go.  They may be rarer than you think.  If you wonder how they can keep putting up with you be thankful that you’ve eaten enough humble pie to know who you are but similarly don’t put your B side down.  It may not be as outgoing, high energy, optimistic, or giving but it's a part of you and it’s our job to welcome it in, make it a cup of tea or serve it up a slice of cake for lunch. We grow up thinking we are the same person on any given day but we’re not. Don’t fall for it. This is your ‘be human’ side and it’s essential for our connection, our value, our reality and our happiness. Never apologise for it.

And just in case you need it here's the definition of B side if it’s in the dictionary, it is a thing.